It’s difficult to understand how any American human being with a healthy sense of self-preservation would voluntarily place their nation, their body, and their livelihood in the hands of either of these incompetent, bleating clowns; never more so than after this week’s demonstration of how the two noble statesmen plan to comport themselves during their battle for the nomination and the presidency beyond – that plan being, apparently, to reduce the future of my country (and the world) to a hottest wife contest.
It all started when, in the hope of swaying religious voters whose fear of women’s sexual autonomy outweighs their love of xenophobic wall-themed frottage, an anti-Trump rightwing super PAC circulated a nude photo of former model Melania Trump, implying that she wasn’t the “right” kind of woman to occupy the White House. (It’s a well-known fact that none of our previous 43 first ladies have possessed genitals.) Trump, claiming that the ad was orchestrated by Cruz, shot back with a tweet that I’m pretty sure he copied verbatim from a collection of FDR’s fireside chats:
But Trump, undeterred, then retweeted an image posted by one of his followers – an unflattering photo of Heidi Cruz side by side with a dolled‑up beauty shot of Melania, with the caption: “No need to ‘spill the beans.’ The images are worth a thousand words.”
Finally, sensing an opportunity to slime his way to the high ground, Cruz responded: “Donald, real men don’t attack women. Your wife is lovely, and Heidi is the love of my life.”
I’ve been keeping a list, as this election season shambles toward its climax, of things that might mount a more dignified, qualified, intellectually rigorous fight for the presidency of the US than our two Republican frontrunners, Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. At this point, I have: